What's good sex?

Sex can be amazing... but it isn't always

Aim for something better

Don’t just get swept along by the kinds of messages about sex you see in porn or other media or hear from peers. Aim for sex that you – and anyone you have sex with – can feel really good about.

From It's Time We Talked (about porn)

In fact, for quite a lot of people sex isn’t great. So, if porn doesn’t show what great sex might be like, what sorts of ingredients might make for really sexy sex?

  • Feeling safe – both physically and emotionally. Feeling safe means being able to trust that your partner will treat you well – with care and respect – whether you’re together for one hour, a week, months or years.
  • Feeling keen – your body actually changes when you want to have sex. It pumps blood to your genitals, and makes fluids for lubrication.
  • Clear consent – knowing this is what you both want, not being under any pressure, and feeling free to say yes or no to anything at any stage.
  • Really good communication – checking in with your partner about what they like, don’t like or aren’t sure they like, what they have or haven’t tried, and what they would like to explore.
  • Time and space – to explore, talk, and discover things about yourself and your partner.
  • A sense of humour – sex can be funny and sometimes awkward or embarrassing, but that’s okay if you feel comfortable and trust your partner. It can be funny and awkward for adults, too, not just when you start having sex!
  • Respect – both partners respecting the other, including their right to privacy during and afterwards.

Sex is not a performance and your life is not a dress rehearsal. 

Further Reading & Resources